End of Life
by heidipoo
Summary: Tomoya can't live without Nagisa, and decides to end it all.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Clannad is by far my favorite anime. It's just so emotional, and intense, I loved every moment of it. So, I guess this really came out of nowhere, but I hope you enjoy it. Be sure to leave a review and check out my other fics! Thanks guys!**

* * *

_I was only living because it was too much trouble to die... _But was it really?

_I got up in the morning, I went to work, I ate dinner, and I went to sleep at night. It's like my body was doing it out of habit, and that's how I lived everyday of my life. I worked my body to the absolute limit. I wanted to forget everything so I let work swallow my life; swallow everything. __After work was rough on me, it was even worse when I had a day off. I would throw my money away just to kill time, to stay away from home. I was hiding from reality because that was the only thing holding me together._

_I hate this town, but even if I moved away I wouldn't have anywhere to go, wouldn't have anything to do. I tried to shut everything out. To live without thinking of anything. __I wanted to wipe my mind clean, I wanted to forget what happened. Everything I did was wrong; everything was a mistake. The fact that I met her, the fact that we fell in love and got married, the fact that we had a baby, it was all one big mistake I couldn't take back._

* * *

The small apartment once occupied by Tomoya and Nagisa Okazaki was too quiet, and still in the early morning hours. Not even the birds were chirping outside, which made it an eerie morning. Tomoya sighed heavily as he rolled over on his futon bed wincing in pain from his sore body, and noticing the other half of the bed was still empty. But of course it would be empty. It's not just like he would wake up one day and she'd be there. That would be impossible.

How long had it been since Nagisa died?

Easy.

_One year, eight months, six days, two hours, and ten minutes. _

Yeah, he had been counting... That was the only thing that was clear to him in his jumbled up mind. All he could remember was his wife's death. It was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to him. Something good had finally happened to him, and it just got ripped away.

Sanae and Akio had already took Ushio to live with them. It was for the best though. The only time he even held his daughter was when Nagisa died... Sanae had always tried to push Ushio on him, but that just ended up hurting Tomoya more. _Gah, she looked just like her mother. _How could Tomoya take care of someone else, if he couldn't even take care of himself? His life was literally a screw up. Everything he did just wasn't right.

With another thick sigh, he pulled himself out of the bed, and looked around the empty apartment. It had only been one year yet Tomoya had already managed to turn the place into a dump. He wasn't the one for household chores. That was Nagisa's job.

He didn't want to live this way. In that moment, Tomoya knew what he had to do. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen he began to write a note, knowing Sanae would find it sooner or later.

* * *

_Dear Sanae and Akio,  
Words can't even express how grateful I am of you two. Thank you for everything. For letting me fall in love and marry your daughter, and now you're taking care of our daughter. It's ironic isn't it, that I'm following in my father's footsteps and I can't even take care of my own kid. Sorry I'm rambling. Anyway, I just wanted you to know how thankful I am._

_This had to be done, I'm sorry. I just can't live in a world without Nagisa. Without her, my life has no purpose. I'm no longer living for anyone, so there's no reason for me to live. I'm sure Ushio will understand when she's older, so please take care of her for me? __Tell her that her daddy loves her, and that I'm sorry that I couldn't put my own issues aside so that I could be a good father. _

_I know that you're probably thinking that this is selfish of me, but I agree one hundred percent. It is selfish and I'm sorry. I just wish you could feel what I feel for Nagisa. __Everyday I wake up, and I wonder what I'm going to do with my life since she's gone. It's been a year since she's died and I still don't have an answer for that question. I'll probably never get one either._

_So I guess this is goodbye for now. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I really hope you can forgive me once you find this letter, oh and sorry for the apartment being so dirty._

_Thanks again,  
Tomoya_

* * *

After Tomoya wrote the note, and stained it with a few tears, he placed the letter on his kitchen counter and went to his bathroom to run some bath water.

Yeah, he was going to kill himself.

Once the warm bath water was ran, he opened up the medicine cabinet where all Nagisa's medicine was kept for her unknown sickness and grabbed a bottle of pills shaking more than a few into his unsteady hand. He was crying, and he couldn't stop. With a deep exhale, Tomoya threw the pills into his mouth and swallowed them down without a second thought. He knew this would do the job.

After taking them, he stepped into the warm bathtub with his clothes on and let sleep and eventually death overtake him...


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Sanae decided to come by Tomoya's apartment for her usually daily visit. Little did she know, that Tomoya was dead in the bathtub, and she wasn't expecting it. "Tomoya, open up! Come on sleepy head!" She yelled in her high pitched excited voice. She was always checking up on him even if he didn't want her to. "I'm coming in!" She said as she pulled an extra key out of her pocket.

Carefully walking into the apartment, she stepped on a crumpled piece of paper. Sanae then picked it up and uncrumpled it. It was Tomoya's suicide note, and she read it with teary eyes. "Tomoya?" She questioned as she threw down the paper and ran to the small bathroom. "Oh no, oh no." She said as she opened up the bathroom door. But it was too late, he was long gone.


End file.
